This is hot off the presses folks, I just stepped out of the Apple Store and onto the bus to take me to Circular Quay. Brand new iPhone for free. Boom. Unlocked. Usable anywhere. Just like that.
I have been noticing that my home button has been a bit finicky lately, and when other people try to use it, the problem is much more noticeable to them than it is to me. Anyway, I made my requisite trip to the "Genius Bar", and showed the nice lady my problem and she was fantastic. We couldn't get the phone to run diagnostics (I strongly suspect it's the fact that I've never ever upgraded the firmware that was causing all the problems) but she basically said "no worries", tapped a bit on her keyboard and whipped out my new phone out of the void.
Now I'm tethered to my phone from my laptop, typing this.